ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i out mim tonsoeep
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