i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
