Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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