So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
