My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
