just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize