We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
