I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You are the jesus of drinking
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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