My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
