I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm passing your future prison.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
