We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
