dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
