He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i think im in europe. pls send help
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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