When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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