my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
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You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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