You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i drank out of a bidet.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
