i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
