So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
