In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he shaved USA in his pubs
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
