Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
