I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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