How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you win again, gameday.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
