In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize