I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if i died would you start the facebook group?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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