It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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