I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
