I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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