Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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