I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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