Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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