apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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