If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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