I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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