Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
high people should be assigned attendants
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
