You made me cry and you don't even care
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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