just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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