You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
