My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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