Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
