There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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