Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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