my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
What a dumb baby whore.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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