So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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