you have to choose: penises or morals?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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