im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
