Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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