You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
