I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
