I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
