I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
