Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
