so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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