i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
