I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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