I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
