Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
