just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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