They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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