she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
