No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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