umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
