she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
