The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
