Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
