Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
