Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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