I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
