I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
