I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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