He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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